Question: “How do we handle parents who always think they’re right? even when you’ve explained the truth and the correct way of things yet they are stubborn to see things your way, and also come at you by saying we’re rude by talking back and being disrespectful. I know they have the best of intentions but it kills me that they’re narrow minded sometimes.
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
I hope you are having a beautiful day. I will give you straight facts, non-sugar coated, artificial free, gmo free, response lol.
First off, I don’t know your situation. There are some questions that I need to know before I can give you right answer. For example, how old are you? What is it that you feel you are right about? Are your parents Muslim, or not Muslim? In your relationship with your parents, is your identity as a Muslim at risk? I have very little information on this, so my answer will be very general.
We’ve all been there. That situation where our parents are not happy with us for choosing to study a subject other than Medicine or Engineering at university. Or, opposing our choice of partner who is deemed to be ‘unsuitable’ because they’re from a different culture, status, or caste. Whatever it may be, there will always be that bump in the road, or test that Allah will present to us through our parents. Some people pass this test with flying colors, and others because of their blindness have their chance of Paradise closed for good.
Allah tells us in the Quran:
‘Worship Allâh and join none with Him (in worship), and do good to parents…’
(Surah An-Nisa; v. 36)
In this verse, Allah comes first. Parents are second. If your relationship with Allah and correct worship of Him is at risk then, you put Allah first before your parents.
Say O Muhammad to mankind: “If you (really) love Allâh then follow me, Allâh will love you and forgive you your sins…’
(Surah Ál-Imran; v.31)
Your parents have on their resume, a world view and outlook on life that has been cooking and baking way before you were born lol. So, their opinions and view is valid 95%, simply because of how much experience they have over you. In some cases it may be the opposite you may have more insight over your parents, like Abraham (as) over his father Azar. Where you have a sound position over your parents, spiritually.
In this case, I guess the million-dollar question is: how do we find the balance between being dutiful to our parents without losing our patience with their antagonism, and being true worshipers of Allah?
All it requires is love and patience. Many of us take our parents for granted, expecting them to understand our stance on deen. Some of them have grown up knowing Islam through their parents and relatives, or doing things because ‘imaam-sahib said so’.
And if they’re not Muslim, then they might not know anything about Islam or, due to politics and misconceptions in the media, even hate it. This is the reality many of us face today. We need to learn how to deal with this in the most sensitive manner possible because, in the zeal of our youth, it is very easy to lose our cool when talking to our parents about something of which we feel so ardently. You have an enemy who never sleeps, and his favorite art is breaking families apart.
When people hate or dislike something we do, it’s mainly because they don’t understand why we’re doing it. To make the situation worse, if we react badly to our parents’ disapproval of our practice of Islam, it only makes them think badly of the way we are following Islam or our similarly ‘Islamic’ friends.
So your only option is to be the best son, or to be the best daughter you can be. They say, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Prophet Muhammad spent 23 years of his life building this nation to what it is today; 1.5 billion people didn’t believe in God over night. It took patience, persistence, and time. And so a few seconds of disagreements between you and your parents should never be the determination of your relationship. They deserve an eternity of your understanding, and patience.
In sha Allah, if you live long, one day all you will have left is their memories. Please, let our focus be on creating the best memories with them, regardless of their opinions, and world view. You have to. Or you will spend the rest of your life, wishing you can have those moments back and spend them the right way.
There are some people who have more patience with their friends then they do with their parents. What status do friends, coworkers, or our boss, have over our parents? Some have this superman ability to endure harsh criticism, and even disrespect from their manager at work. Yet, when they return home, they can’t take criticism from their parents for a split second. What a waste of our life, if we spent it respecting strangers more than we do our very home, mother, and father.
One day you will have a son of your own, or a daughter of your own. When you live the reality of a parent, only then will you understand what your parents felt when they expressed their views to you. They might not always be right, but treat them with love and respect anyway.
One day your little daughter, or son will have their own opinions. They will think they are always right, and you will have your own opinions. You will expect your daughter and son to treat you like the king or queen you deserve to be treated as regardless of your differences. Because you put your life on hold, to keep theirs going,
So no matter what differences you have, be kind, be respectful, let them realize Islam through your actions. And if done consistently, their hearts will open.
Remember. Keep your head up, challenge yourself in your patience, agree to disagree, and always let your good manners (respect..) speak for you.